UPSIDE DOWN OR THE REST OF THE WARRIOR
It has definitively been a long time since I last posted in this blog, the reason being I was totally uncertain about what to write in it.
As we approached the end of 2014, two things happened that compromised the continuity of this site and that radically started to shake my inner being. One, I stopped running at all. Suddenly, without notice. One fine morning, I just did not want to run anymore so I honored my feelings about it and dropped it dead, right there. And second, I was entering a period of uncertainty regarding entrepreneurship as I had lived it for the last few years. I could not make sense anymore about why I was doing what I was doing and I felt an urgent need of a real purpose of direction for my professional activities. Similarly, I also lacked view in my personal existence. I was aimlessly futzing around life and I did literally sense the apathy climbing up my spine. I needed no one to tell me, though some warm hearted friends did, I could see in the mirror, every morning, as I brushed my teeth, how spazzy and wasted I looked.
Not without realizing the risks but simply out of passion and devotion to my inner Goddess, I decided to let off the hook and withdraw from it all. For once, I ought to take some time to gain perspective on the matter and venture into new landscapes. Of course, this brought along a continuum of side effects both related to relationships with people I used to work with or for, even with friends, not to mention a sudden financial uneasiness that kept me awake a few nights.
I changed my motivational, entrepreneurial, management, psyched up literature for Buddhism, Tantric and Spirituality readings. I disappeared from online and offline events related to my professional industry (marketing and tourism) and I voluntarily kept my ego at bay, refraining from posting at Facebook or any other social media platform and I decided to not check on other’s egos, neither. Honestly, still up to today, I don’t miss it at all.
I itched with the need of stopping and reconsidering my life. Having ignored the anxiety and stress that the last few years working as a wigged enthusiastic entrepreneur in what I like to call a Banana Republic country, I could not nor did I want to continue walking that path. I would not go on until I could make sense of it all and tag it with a real, more social based, purpose. I desperately wanted to turn my intellectual capital into a tool to help others, less fortunate than myself, to improve their lives.
Running gave way to swimming, an exercise I felt more gentle to my tired body at the moment, and I undertook two activities I had long locked hidden at the very bottom of the dark closet of my self: yoga and meditation.
And so, it might not be hard for you to understand why a mind like mine, prone to rationalizing anything that comes at hand, could not come up with a single line to write at a blog devoted to running and entrepreneurship. I was doing none of them, so what should I write about?
It took me all these months of “retirement” and the grounded certaintly that I needed a strong shift of direction in my life, to understand it does not really matter. Running or not, undertaking new projects or ideas or not, I will always be a runner and an entrepreneur in my deep soul. It is who I am and it is an intrinsic part of me. Practicing or not, there is no way I can change this nature of mine, nor do I wish to.
2015 rolled in smooth and my new vibes brought along new people, a different approach to Life and Love and beached my determination for a change, no matter what the consequences.
So, by May, and as soon as I finalize two professional projects I had committed to before “going nuts”, I will take a long desired sabbatical: starting destination Bali, Indonesia.
I want to leave the Matrix and to take true care of my own divine self, the one I have so badly neglected in the last few years. Most of us do by the way … I feel I have merited the rest of the warrior and so I will indulge myself with it. In this respect, maybe, for an uncertain length of time, “Running on Heels” ought to be renamed “Meditating barefoot” …
I might (or might not) take back running and I will pour all my passion into my next entrepreneurial project: I will be a seeker and I will get to know myself.
Outch!! Possibly the most challenging project I have ever attempted to master! But, trust me on this, I am so ready!!!